Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
