just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
