Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
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She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
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I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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