I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
