one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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