I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I need water and some morals
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
