im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
