my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
