The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
