i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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