I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
