I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
