Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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