What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
