I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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