wanna go halves on a baby?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
