Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize