at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize