I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
