none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
