Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
