I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
