I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
