Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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