You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
