I'm gonna have a badass scar
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
