she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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