Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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