make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
