There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
