You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
