I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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