My boss' voice literally gives me gas
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize