RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
