If that was your dad, he is hot
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize