Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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