My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
