i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
