she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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