When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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