I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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