Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
