Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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