How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
