Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
barbara walters just said penis...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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