I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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