no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The power of my boobs compel you
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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