I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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