I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
