Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
