You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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