what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
