my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
