I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
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Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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