"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
