Don't you send me to vm
sarcasm needs its own font
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
