please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
