I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
