You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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