I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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