New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
