Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
