Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
