is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
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i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
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He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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