Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
