apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
