How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
