I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
