How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
