so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
