So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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