what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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