K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
