Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
