Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
now i know why i became what i already was.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
