"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Hippo gnu deer
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
